


The Mistake

by PixieBoyBlue



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Crack, During Canon, F/F, Humor, Late Night Writing, Oblivious Regina, One Shot, Pre-Evil Queen | Regina Mills/Emma Swan, Pregnancy Test, Random & Short, Season/Series 02, Sexual Humor, Short One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-27
Updated: 2013-08-27
Packaged: 2018-03-18 12:01:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,314
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3568865
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PixieBoyBlue/pseuds/PixieBoyBlue
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Emma is experiencing serious pains is varying places, mainly her abdomen, but refuses to visit Dr Whale about it. Thinking she may be hiding something Regina sets on a course to find out what the real origin of Saviour's pains are. Slightly shady humour. One shot fiction that came from an unexpected inspiration.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Mistake

**Author's Note:**

> AN: Wrote this little number at about 4am this morning, which was fun... If you've read any of my previous stories and think me a sensible writer, your opinions are about to change.

Henry sat in his room reading through his fairy tales, by this time he could probably recite them by heart, but that didn't stop him reading. Emma had dropped him round at Regina's for the week, thinking it better he stayed there for a while. No sooner had he unpacked, Regina had banned him from leaving the house without accompaniment. While the Evil Queen and the Saviour were on okay terms, there was the small matter of Tamara and Greg that was underway. They were new to her town, and new in Storybrooke always meant trouble. Henry was just getting to a particular part of Hansel and Gretel when...  
"Henry!" came his mother's voice, and it didn't sound too happy. He was greeted at the bottom of the stairs by Regina holding a small, thin, white object up to his level. "What is this?" she asked plainly. Before he had chance to answer another question was fired his way. "Is this what I think it is? Have you been smoking in this house?!" and another. The boy just shook his head as he scrutinised the alien object. It certainly wasn't his, and clearly not his mother's judging by her reaction. "Henry, look me in the eye and tell me you are not smoking."  
"Mom," he began, placing his hands on her shoulders, looking her in the eye. He punctuated each word as he stated "I am not smoking." At this the woman was relieved. However, this brought up the question of what, and more importantly, who's this object could be.  
  
  
Emma woke to the strong smell of frying eggs leaving the kitchen and invading her senses; straight away she needed to vomit. She had been feeling ill for the past couple of days; surviving only on dry toast and black coffee. If she was honest, at this point she was happy Regina had Henry as she didn't want him seeing her like this. Her sleep pattern was out of whack, she felt sick every half hour, the headaches were torture, and the stomach cramps were just getting annoying. Three days. Three days since she'd found out and she was being hit with every bloody side effect there could be. The only thing that was missing was the emotional breakdowns. This was the one thing Emma hated about being a female.  
A knock at her door revealed Snow with a plate of toast. "Emma," she soothed, "time to get up." The blonde pulled the duvet over her head in response. "You've been off duty for two days now, it can't be that bad." Emma nodded under her limp tent. "The teenager I never had" Snow chuckled, more to herself than her daughter.  
"Is she still refusing to move?" Emma heard David say. Snow must have nodded or something, because no response was heard. The blonde was suddenly hit with a cold breeze as the covers were ripped from the bed. "Get up young lady" her father ordered, Emma just groaned. "Yup definitely the teenager we never had" he confirmed his wife's earlier statement. After a threat of having freezing water poured over her, Emma was reluctantly up.  
"Why don't you go and see Dr Whale if it's that bad?" Snow suggested.  
"He's a man" Emma stated. Her mother nodded in fair understanding. "I'll just get an ibuprofen and be done with it."  
Once the woman was dressed she aimed for the door, only to be halted by her father shouting after her. "Before you leave, a gentle reminder Tamara and Neal were spotted at Granny's earlier, so probably best steer clear of there for about an hour or so." And here comes the emotional breakdown.  
  
  
Once she was about the town, Emma didn't feel so bad. She was glad have a bit of fresh air in her system. Halfway through the park she bumped into Archie while walking Pongo.  
"Morning Sheriff!" he greeted cheerily. "Not seen you around for a bit."  
"Morning Archie" she replied. "Yeah, I've been a little under the weather lately, but I'm feeling a little better today. How's Henry been?" Dr Hopper furrowed his brow.  
"I thought he was staying with you?" he asked.  
"I left him with Regina this week," she gave a shrug. "What with my illness and stomach pains, not to mention how jumbled my mood has been since Neal came back into my life." She hadn't meant the last part to slip out, and quickly regretted it when Dr Hopper suggested an appointment, offering to schedule her in at... "Bye Archie!" Emma hurried, darting around the doctor with a hast she hadn't realised she possessed. She was more than happy to discuss any problems with the towns shrink, lately found to be a cricket, just not  _this_  problem. Like Snow rightly suggested, this was a job for Whale, but she still refused to give in to the woman's requests. She had just sat down to begin her day of sheriffing when when it hit her that she had yet to receive any calls this morning; usually her phone was lucky to get a rest from calls, texts, emails. Digging through her pockets she discovered a lack of the device so moved to scour about her desk. No bag either. Running through possible scenarios she had a vague idea feeling she hadn't left with it after dropping her son at his other mother's. No wonder no one was contacting her.  
  
  
Regina was in her front yard tending to the hedges that were already obsessively neat, when she saw a particular blonde heading towards her.  
"Sheriff Swan, what are you doing here?" she addressed. "I'm due to have Henry for another few days hence." The brunette tried to disguise her protective tone, but she tried in vain. Lucky for her Emma chose to ignore it, only wanting to check his well-being. "He's doing well" Regina answered plainly, wanting the woman in front of her out of her garden as quickly as she'd trod on it.  
Realising she would get nothing more from the brunette, Emma continued. "I left my bag here the other day when I dropped Henry-"  
"Kitchen" the woman interrupted, adding "by the island" as Emma hurried passed her. Regina rested her eyes once inside the closed front door, instantly snapping them open when she recollected exactly where she found the curious object.  
"Miss Swan!" she called, entering the kitchen seconds later. "You wouldn't by chance know what this is would you?" she asked, procuring from her pocket the same small, thin, white object she had questioned her son about only an hour ago. Emma looked it over for no longer than a clock tick before snatching it off Regina and shoving it in her bag.  
In a flurry of words she blurted out "sorry it's mine. Must have fallen out of my bag when I put it down. I'm so sorry."  
"Miss Swan, you've avoided my question. The same question I earlier asked my son. Now, I have no care for your personal health," she refused Emma chance to interrupt, "but when your… habits… have an effect on  _my_  son, that is a different matter." It took Emma a few seconds to understand what the woman was implying.  
"That's not what you think it is. That's not a... Regina… It's a…" the blonde faltered. "You know what? None of your business is what it is. Give Henry my love. I'll see you at the end of the week." No further terms to exchange, the Saviour left.  
  
  
On her stroll back to the apartment, Emma couldn't help but be thankful for getting her bag back, if not, grateful for getting the other thing back. Had Regina really thought it to be a cigarette? It looked nothing like one. Putting it out of her mind she checked her phone for the first time in two and a half days. Two texts from Ruby, asking to meet for drinks, and a voice mail from an unknown number. Placing the phone to her ear she listened to the message:

_Er, hi Emma, it's Neal. Erm sorry about this, my phone's just died so I'm having to use Tamara's. I saw you heading passes the Diner earlier and was wondering if you fancied a drink, or a bite to eat, or maybe just a tal-_

She cut the man short with a hasty click. So long as Tamara was around she had no intention of going near her ex. Resisting the urge to cry, she sprinted all the way home and headed straight for the bathroom, locking the door quickly behind her.  
"Emma?" Snow knocked on the door. "Emma, sweetie, are you okay?"  
"Yeah, I'm fine" she answered on her fourth pace of the small room, coming to a halt in front of the mirror. "Just really needed the loo, be out in a minute" she covered.  
Pulling the object out of her bag, Emma scrutinised it for a moment. She had bought two different brands, in case one wasn't right. The packaging didn't give much away, and she wasn't one to trust Storybrooke's supermarket supplier; it was a town filled with old fairytale characters from another realm after all. She was surprised she even found any. Rehearsing that thought, however, the idea Regina didn't know what it was didn't surprise her. Though it still didn't resemble a cigarette. She moved to sit on the toilet, fiddling with the stupid object in her hands. "Here we go again" she sighed to herself.  
"Emma?" her mother's voice came again, this time the blonde didn't grace her with an answer; this was none of her business. The woman was persistent though. "Emma, are you sure everything's okay?" The bathroom door unlocked with a click, revealing her daughter, looking like she'd just smelt trolls' breath. "Emma you look…"  
"Don't… even go there" she warned. "I'm going back to bed."  
"But you only just-" the argument was cut short by the blonde's glare, daring her to continue.  
As soon as Emma got into bed, her mother was sat on the edge of it, a hand resting on her daughter's leg. "Mind telling me what's going on?" the blonde just moaned in pain, rolling to face the opposite wall. Snow took a pleading glance at David.  
"Leave me out of this; last I heard it's a female thing."  
"Can you at least get Dr Whale?" Snow asked him.  
"No" Emma protested before her father could escape. "The less people know, the better."  
"Know what?" David asked, his voice full of concern.  
"Well…" She began.  
After their daughter had finished explaining, the Charmings looked at each other, then back at Emma.  
"Do you mean to tell me that you’re-?"  
"Yes" Emma interrupted. "Though it seems more painful than last time." She pondered a reason, only to settle for the stress that her ex had brought to town under the alias of Tamara. "But now you see why Henry is with Regina until I can sort this out." Her mother nodded in understanding, this was a situation definitely not for the young or faint hearted.  
  
  
Regina paced the aisle of the local superstore, scouring the shelves for an item that matched Emma's. She put her curiosity down to the safety of her son. It was too small to be a wand, and it was unlikely that the blonde had access to such things in this realm. Given it's cheap, yet pristine, quality, it had to be from somewhere inside Storybrooke. It only took twenty minutes of pacing up and down the small store to spot something akin to what she had found. It was different in shape, but the same in colour and size; well if the picture on the box was anything to go by. Ignoring the questioning look from the till man she purchased it and headed straight to the Charming residence, scrutinising the packaging on the way. What would this mean for the mayor and how was this going to affect her son?  
A loud banging on the door woke Emma. A second round of thuds following close behind. "Alright!" the blonde shouted as she trudged down the stairs. Where the hell were Snow and David? Another set of banging. "I'm coming!" Her headache couldn't handle this, so with fingers pressed to her temple she eased the door open. "Regina?"  
The brunette whipped out the earlier purchased box from her bag. "You're pregnant?!" she screeched, more an accusation than a question.  
"Regina, I-"  
"This" she pointed at the box. "This is why Henry currently resides at my house isn't it?! You kept him from the truth so he wouldn't hate for it. Just like what happened with his father. Well-"  
"Regina, you-"  
"No." Regina refused her to speak; she couldn't believe Emma would do this to their son. To  _her_  son. "I won't let you keep this from him. He deserves the truth for one, and you-"  
"Regina, I'm on my period!"  
Silence. Both women were as stunned as the other.  
"But I thought…" Regina gestured to the box, unsure what it was she truly thought.  
"What you found was my spare tampon, not a pregnancy test. You thought I was pregnant?" the words seemed to all come out at once.  
"I don't know what I thought. I went to the store to find something matching what you left at my house and this was the closest I got" the woman explained.  
"The closest you got to a tampon was a… Why am I even discussing this?" Emma asked, to herself more than the other woman.  
"What exactly do you do with a tampon? It looks like a toy wand more than anything else." The blonde gave Regina a most amused look, she felt like she was talking to a pre-pubescent girl.  
"Sit down" Emma invited her in, "we've got a lot to talk about…"

**Author's Note:**

> AN: So I guess I should explain this small one shot to you, and in turn, my twisted mind. This came to me during the obvious situation, but it got me thinking that while every other Storybrooke character automatically adjusted to the world change, Regina didn't have that luxury. The Enchanted forest is a very medieval style place and I doubted they had any form of sanitary product. And the fiction was born. Henry I assumed would be non the wiser as to what it was because he's both male and only 10, and also raised my said medieval mind-setted character. Many apologies if this fiction has ruined your view of Emma and Regina forever, but it was just an idea in my head.


End file.
